This is part 2 of our series, “Travel Don’ts“, highlighting what you DON’T
want to do in different countries
The Emerald Isle is full of gorgeous scenery, immersed in history, defined by it’s lovely people and, most importantly, is home to the best craic in the world!
However, just like anywhere else, there are certainly things you Don’t want to do in different parts of the island. As you make your way around Ireland, I will provide you with suggestions (in no particular order) of what you don’t want to do and don’t want to miss in each of its beautiful counties, so that you can keep the craic ninety for the duration of your journey:
1. County Dublin:
Don’t go to the Leprechaun museum… does this really need explaining?!
Don’t drink in Temple Bar: Prices in Dublin are exorbitant for drink, but in Temple Bar they are bordering on extortion.
Don’t go to Dicey’s or Copper’s: Listen, I know this conflicts with my Temple Bar statement, but attempting to find cheap drink in Dublin isn’t an excuse to be surrounded by 18 year old’s sucking each other’s faces off… find a happy medium!
Don’t miss John Mulligan’s Pub on Poolbeg Street: Want to find a less touristy joint to have an excellent pint of stout in an authentic pub, still close to all of Dublin’s main attractions? Go to John Mulligan’s…’nuff said!
If everything is closed, Don’t not go to Temple Bar: Look, I know I’m a hypocrite, but it’s better than going home… we all say we never go there, but we always end up there anyways at 3am on a Saturday night. Just admit it already!
Don’t miss El Grito! If you are a gringo from the western US or you are from Mexico, if you’re a foodie of any kind or a budget traveller, DON’T miss out on El Grito! It is the most authentic taqueria I have seen on this side of the Atlantic, bar none! If you are missing home, nothing will satisfy as much. At 5 tacos for 7 Euro, good luck finding a cheaper meal in Dublin!
Son Chingón!
Don’t talk about Cork!
2. County Cork
Don‘t talk about Dublin!
Don’t avoid Beamish: Though Guinness has won the international popularity contest, I would argue that Beamish, in Cork, is the best stout in Ireland. The rule of thumb is, while in Cork, drink Beamish and while in Dublin, drink Guinness. If neither of them tickle your fancy, drink their milder, but still potent, cousin, Murphy’s (also from cork; Cork City is the only city in Ireland you are guaranteed three award-winning stouts on tap at just about every pub!).
Don’t miss the Franciscan Well Brewery, arguably the best brewery in Ireland!
Don’t miss the Sin é, one of Cork’s many Heritage Pubs. Live ‘Trad Sessions’ here are accompanied by the local’s breaking out in poetry that can’t be found anywhere else but in Ireland’s largest county!
If in the Hi-B, Don’t piss off the owner… Trust me!
Don’t miss the Crane Lane: Ireland’s greatest live music venue??? I’ll let you duke that one out…
Basically, Don’t miss Cork’s live music scene, easily one of the most underrated live music city’s in the world!
Don’t miss Kinsale!
Don’t adopt the accent… not even other Irish people will be able to understand you!
Don’t miss Young Offenders, Ireland’s best new sitcom!
Don’t talk about Kerry!
3. County Kerry:
Don’t talk about Cork or Dublin!
Seriously, is there anything you Don’t want to do in Kerry??? Don’t miss Dingle… Next!
4. County Clare
Don’t miss Father Ted Country
5. County Galway
Don’t miss Connemara… Duhhh!!!
Don’t miss Galway Bay Brewery… probably the best brewery in Ireland!
Seriously, who doesn’t go to Galway… my work is done here!
6. County Mayo
Don’t miss Croagh Patrick: A world famous pilgrimage site, don’t miss an opportunity to day hike the ‘perfectly round mound’, overlooking Mayo’s Clew Bay, with a gorgeous chapel at its summit. If you’re feeling especially pious, make sure to hike it barefoot.
Don’t miss An Port Mór Restaurant: Unbelievably delightful menu, with the freshest ingredients Ireland’s Wild Atlantic Way has to offer!
7. County Kilkenny
Don’t make South Park jokes!
8. County Carlow
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9. County Down
Don’t try to be the ‘Star’, somebody has already beat you to it!
Don’t miss the Mourne Coastal Route: I hate to make a hidden gem a little less hidden, but this probably the most overlooked scenic drive in Ireland. From the breathtaking Ards Peninsula to the imposing peak of Slieve Donard (from where you can see the Isle of Man and Scotland), it really can’t be beat!
If your friend is driving you down the motorway and there is heavy fog and he says, “Sure, if I drive faster, I’ll get through it quicker!” – don’t worry, you will survive!
Don’t expect parliament to be up and running any time soon!
10. County Armagh
Don’t miss hiking from Armagh’s Cathedrals to Navan Fort: As part of Saint Patrick’s Way, a pilgrimage trail taking you through much of central and eastern Ulster, this 2.4 mile loop of the trail is steeped in Ireland’s history, going back over 2000 years.
Visit Navan Fort, site of the ancient kings of Ulster and the seats of Ireland’s two largest churches, where history’s famous Brian Boru also called home, for a time.
Armagh is home to both the Catholic Primate of Ireland and the Church of Ireland’s Archbishop, who preside over two of Ireland’s most important cathedrals, both graciously named after Saint Patrick — who is said to also have resided in the area for awhile. If archaeology, beautiful buildings and some fresh air are your thing, you can’t miss Armagh City!
However, Don’t go to Lurgan!
11. County Wicklow
Don’t miss Daniel Day-Lewis!
Seriously, Don’t miss out on Wicklow!
12. County Cavan
Don’t forget it’s in Ulster!
13. County Louth
Don’t forget it’s not in Ulster!
14. County Monaghan
Don’t!
15. County Tyrone
Don’t miss the Ulster-American Folk Park: Seriously, I cannot stress this enough. History, please Don’t continue overlooking Ulster’s influence over American culture. With one-third of US Presidents having Ulster-roots, the impact of this small corner of the world on America’s history cannot be understated.
I feel so passionately about this, I wrote an article about it on Northern Slant, entitled “Rekindling the Ulster-American Connection”. It explains these complex, historical links in much more detail than I have time for in this article… See Tyrone, why did you get me started on this!!!
16. County Tipperary
If you’re on holiday in Los Angeles and you run into the County Tipp Hurling Team at a bar, Don’t get into a ‘lock-in’ with them until 4am… it really hurts the next morning!
Also, if you’ve never watched it, Don’t miss hurling, it is a fantastic sport!
17. County Laois
Don’t pronounce it Laos… that is a country in Southeast Asia!
18. County Meath
Don’t miss Tayto Park: Tayto park is Ireland’s answer to Knott’s Berry Farm. While jelly, or jam, in Ireland is great, the island is obviously most famous for its potatoes. Probably its most famous spuds, however, come in the form of Tayto ‘crisps’ (or potato chips, to some).
While there, just Don’t get in an argument about who would win in a fight between Northern Mr. Tayto and Southern Mr. Tayto… it never ends well and the discussion inevitably continues its vicious cycle, no matter the outcome.
19. West Meath
Don’t… Just go to Meath!
20. County Limerick
Don’t get stabbed!
21. County Offaly
Don’t make stupid puns about how ‘Offaly’ your time was spent here… That would be ‘Offaly’ childish of you!
22. County Kildare
Don’t miss the shopping???
23. County Waterford
Don’t miss Ireland’s oldest city and Waterford’s Viking History, as one of Norse Ireland and Britain’s most influential port cities!
Just as drug addicts may misunderstand the meaning of craic in Ireland, Don’t miss out on Waterford’s crystal!
24. County Leitrim
Listen, Don’t ask me! Just look at Ireland’s Hidden Heartlands’ website for more details!
25. County Roscommon
26. County Fermanagh
I DON’T KNOW!!!
27. County Longford
F*** Sake!!!!
28. County Derry/Londonderry
Don’t call it Derry!
Don’t call it Londonderry!
Don’t call it L’ Derry!
Please, Don’t call it ‘Legenderry’!
Acceptable names: ‘Stroke City’, ‘Slash City’, ‘The Maiden City’, ‘The Walled City’
Don’t miss Peadar O’Donnell’s: Not another bar like it, in Ireland or anywhere else!
Don’t miss Sandino’s: Ever been to a socialist bar? Ever wanted to be surrounded by Cold War-esque propaganda? Explore Stroke City’s unique relationship with socialism over a pint or two in Sandino’s Cafe Bar!
Don’t miss the Free Derry Tour and Museum: There’s no better way to understand The Maiden City’s complex history and the legacy of ‘The Troubles’.
If you are a dear friend of mine and we are at Rocket’s Fast Food trying to remedy the bad decisions we made that night with one of their famous ‘Chicken Wrapas’ and an intoxicated, pregnant woman, smoking a ‘feg’, comes into the restaurant and starts reaming you for your Belfast accent and asks you, “Waaz ‘yer name?”, Don’t respond with, “They call me big balls from the Falls!” She will slap you for your insolence and your bifocals will go flying across the takeaway, while the bouncer hauls the poor lady off of the premises.
29. County Wexford
If you want to understand the complex history between Ireland and Britain, Don’t miss Wexford, the site of the first settlements acquired by the Anglo-Normans in 1169.
30. County Sligo
Don’t underestimate the countryside in Sligo… it is gorgeous and sadly over-loooked. Completely worth a visit!
31. County Antrim
I live here, so I Don’t know, go to Lavery’s or something!
Don’t go to Larne
If you have already seen most of Northern Ireland, but have not spent much time in the interior of Ulster and you have a day off of work to explore, Don’t go to Ballymena just because it’s something to do. Just stay home!
32. County Donegal
Don’t be the stereotypical American I was sitting next to on a flight back to the states and ask the Irishman next to you if he knows your friend from Donegal.
He will likely irritatingly respond with, “Listen, not all of us Irish people are related to each other or know one another. I know it’s a stereotype, but it just isn’t true!”
The American guy, very apologetically says, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you!”
The Irish gentleman says, “It’s okay, we just get this all the time and it gets old… what is your cousin’s name anyways?”
“Seamus Doherty.”
The Irishman looks at him sternly and says, “For f*** sake! Seamus is my cousin!”
The concludes our Part 2 of our “Travel Don’ts” series. Stay tuned for more
articles!